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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Among Toddlers

Ever get the feeling when you hang out with children, especially toddlers long enough, you start acting like them? An occasional temper tantrum, a little bit of whining, and a grumpy attitude when you feel that you are just not being treated fairly.  Is it because I rarely have another adult to talk to lately?  Or is it because my blood pressure rises with each incident, and that I am just too old to be mother of the year? Or is it because my hormones are at an unusual level, and I cannot compete with the rise in adrenalin levels in my body? Or am I completely normal to just "lose it" every once and awhile (lately once a week)?  I am sure most women would say "Thats normal!"  Nevertheless, I hate myself for raising my voice so loud that I lose my voice at the end of my speech, and/or making the kids cry.
I was incredibly happy to see the kids today, and maybe that was what led me to the fury I felt in the evening.  I finished my last Christmas order for Kinder Kouture, and all I could think about was grabbing the kids and relaxing with them.  Yes, I had time to go to Target, and no I did not have to "work".  I could not wait to just play with the kids.   I worked all morning, with only that goal in mind, knowing that I there were so many things I wanted to do with the both of them before Christmas.
Nicolas got off the bus, and stomped into the house, pointing his finger at me very angry.  Probably another bad example I have set - well noted.  "Mom" he said "I got in trouble today because of you not making me lunch this morning."  "Because of you I had to sit next to ????? and she and I talked too much, and I got two yellows today."  A little frustrated at his tone of voice, and his lack of responsibility, I tried to think about what I was going to say to him.  "First of all" I said "You did not get into trouble, because mom did not make you lunch, you got into trouble because you were not following the rules, which are that you must whisper and eat your lunch."  "Second of all," I said, "You don't talk to an adult, least of all your mother, in that tone of voice."  Later on I explained to him that it is not fair nor nice to blame someone else for your own mistakes.   Getting a school lunch, forces him to sit next to people who often get in trouble, which is something we can avoid, but it is not why he got into trouble.
We picked up Olivia, and as always I let Nicolas stay in the car, while I sign the little one out of school.  The parking lot is usually empty when I come to get her, and I always take a second key and lock him in the car.    He likes to watch the DVD player, and he knows that he is not allowed to get out of his car seat.  However, this time my six-year old decided to climb through the window and run around the parking lot.  As I was leaving the building, I noticed how frantic the office gals were, only to find out that it was my son causing all the confusion.  Needless to say, I was livid when I reached the car.  Lately, he has been doing crazy things like that.  More worried about someone calling the police then anything else, I obviously cannot trust him, and will no longer leave him in the car.
So off we went to Target to just grab some bread and cereal, but before we even got through the door, the two of them were fighting like cats and dogs about who gets to sit where.  I took them both out of the cart, parked it and walked out of the store, because my cupeth runneth over.  I told Nicolas that he was not going to the awards ceremony tonight, and he was to stay in his room. 
The cherry on top of it all came when Nicolas left his markers on his desk, and once again Olivia had a grand ol time writing all over her new pink carpet that I just bought.  This time both of them were put in time-out.  One for not cleaning up his toys, and the other for using a magic marker.   I screamed so loud at the both of them, that I actually lost my voice.  After about a half hour, I was calm again, and I explained to Olivia that she would not like it if someone cut off Ducky's head, nor do I like it when someone ruins my things.  Taking a pair of scissors and acting like I was going to cut the Ducks feet off, seemed to get my point across.  Maybe this time she will learn  the lesson, even though I doubt it. 

I guess I need to go to Daycare tomorrow, and see what it is like to be told how to act.  I was not the perfect example of a mother, and I could feel my blood pressure rising to a point, that I just sat down and took a break behind closed doors.  This is when I miss my dh the most, because he would save me from a creating a severe wreck.   This is when I need to yell at someone, and he would be my likely target, taking it all lightly, and then giving me a hug when I most need it.  I wish I had more patience. I wish I could just shrug and be done with it after talking to the kids in a gentle tone of voice.  Nope that is not me.  Oh well, can I blame it on something else?  Don't need the guilt trip that will come after putting them to bed without reading books or singing songs. 
Maybe later, I will give them a goodnight kiss, when they silently sleep like angels.  Maybe then I will rest too.
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