I got up this morning with only one thought on my mind "slow down". I spend my days trying to catch up on a tons of things that I want to accomplish, only to find that other things get ignored and I end up having to add that to my list. I basically had to convince myself to give up. Why bother I asked myself. The house is never clean. There is always something that just does not get finished, and the wonderful sensation and feeling I have when the house is clean, just will not exist anymore. I have kids now. A sudden saddness overcame me, because I felt like my life as I knew it was over. I am no longer the happy wife, or the fun coworker, no I am mom. The happy moments are few and far between.
Being mom is not my favorite thing. I dont like eating at Burger King, or sitting at the park, until my feet freeze. I dont want to spend endless hours playing on the floor with them. I mean, I would love to, but I hate it. Entertaining the children is my least favorite chore. Notice how I write chore. I wish I was different, but I am not. Why I had children is beyond me. These two deserve something different, and yes something better. I am tired all the time, and to be honest, the children just wear me out. I am tired of yelling at them all the time. I dont want to clean their rooms anymore. I dont want to cook for them. I dont want to bathe them. I am tired. I am tired of motherhood. I wish it would just go away. I want to exercise, take care of myself. I want to read, listen to music, and sit on my couch. I dont remember what that is like anymore. When I sit, the kids are sitting on me. Of course, that is only if I find enough room. I sit on the floor now. I want my life back. No children, just two dogs that love me and everything I do for them.
yes, I am tired and full of remorse. This should not be I say, and yet it is. Time to call a maid service. Maybe it is time I take myself out to dinner.
